I want to sit...

i have been wondering- why do I always try to fill my life with so much stuff? I came up with some ideas. My own opinion only. I realize that many times growing up I found my peace in being busy. Obligations often times kept me very busy. Don't get me wrong busy is good and I was raised that "faith without works is dead." But instead of faith being the most important I strived for the works part. I love serving and that began to consume me taking more and more of me til there was nothing left. My life was quickly filled with schedule and surface driven. How often, how much, when, where...pretty soon I was addicted to being busy. To having no time- to having too much on my plate... The biggest problem was that I couldnt given 100% anywhere at all. Not in serving, not in marriage, not as a mom, never as a friend but I Found my worth in the busy. So I stopped serving totally, some think that is extreme, but here is my thought. I got a high like an addict when they fill their need and realized that everyone I know is addicted to something.some are addicted to safety, scheduling,food,caffeine, exercise, sleep, treats, danger,drugs legal or otherwise,serving or giving of oneself, drinking liquor or boosters, sex in general,church,singing,brands clothes shoes or makeup and the list continues. I have listed these because I have struggled with each of these. Since I often talk to God about my insufficencies I have begun to understand a couple of things. I try to fill this Hole in me. I have with many things as you can see, but it never even begins to fill the insatiable emptiness that Continues to plague me. the emptiness is unquenchable, Unfillable and generally incessant. Everything that we tried to fill it with will fall short.and the next time we try and fill it we will have to use more of the filler or the addiction to even adequately begin to plug the hole. Very recently I decided to take a break with many things I am going to stop trying so hard to fill the hole since that is not my job. The incessant deep recesses of my soul are only fillable with supernatural power. All else fails.Jesus is who I need, only him. so I am going to sit and chew on this for a while.